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• #1

  Elaine (Friday, 27 July 2012 15:32)

  Nice to read a script with a happy ending. There are a lot on here that are pretty depressing! I liked your story and thought the structure was pretty solid. I would perhaps avoid so much V.O. narration which is a little too 'bitter-spinster' and leave the story telling to the visual. The V.O. at the end was a nice touch but the V.O. when the crowd is round her isn't necessary as you've described the scene already.

• #2

  francesca (Friday, 27 July 2012 17:15)

  thanks elaine, loved your contribution! haven't run into your script already, but I'm looking forward to.