'Smasheroo' by Sweet Home Films LLC
(West Hills, Southern California) Second Edit (4:25 seconds)
Kerry and Evan Marlowe. Shot on Canon T3i, super 8mm. Edited on Sony Vegas.
Read 'Smasheroo' HERE
Second Cut Comments... have YOUR say!
First Edit (5:13 seconds)
First cut: Producers notes for the filmmakers
- Lovely performances building on a very personal script.
- Could be 25% shorter, look at what chunks of dialogue you could drop.
- Long shot looking into bathroom is awkward edit at 1:07
- Can you change dialogue audio perspective when camera in hallway, make if feel more authentic again at 1:07
- Flashback too long and self indulgent
- Trim, trim…trim!
- Repeat dialogue from start but at end to echo the endless nature of her condition
First Cut Comments... have YOUR say!
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#1
You could cut the flashback or at least don't end the flashback with a still photo. The acting is so good and we are told they are a couple so no need for the flashback as its just going over what we already know.
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#2
I appreciate Mark's keen eye for cutting, as films could almost always be shorter; but I have to say that the flashback works brilliantly in this. It allows us to breathe and has emotional heft. Maybe not the still photo -- but I've got to hope the flashbacks stay.
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#3
We agree with both of you - the flashback is just too long and yes, acting is VERY good - well done team Sweet Home Films
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#4
We appreciate all the feedback this short has gotten. I agree the flashback is critical to the emotional kick. It provides a startling contrast to what we've already seen. We also agree it needed trimming and some audio work.
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#5
so far my favourite! amazing short but I would cut out the 8mm footage. I feel that it doesn't bring anything to the story. Your actors and cinematography are great. Beautiful job!:-)
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#6
Thanks Adolf, appreciate your input. Let me know what you think of the reedited version.
Write a comment
50kisses (Sunday, 04 November 2012 17:32)
Congrats Team Sweet Home Films on the first major recut to be submitted - GREAT work. What do you think peeps?
Nathan Gower (Sunday, 04 November 2012 21:20)
Just watched the re-edit, Evan and crew, and I simply love it. You have managed to keep the emotional heft of the flashback intact, while tightening just about every shot that felt like it lingered a bit in the original. Really great work cutting nearly a minute off and strengthening the film at the same time.
Rob Burke (Monday, 05 November 2012 01:25)
Very well shot - love the emotion that comes not only from the actors but the way you've cut this together.
I may be in the minority on this - but the flashbacks, in both versions, don't have the intended effect that I think you are going for (at least in reading your comments). For me - the shots of the pictures during the bathroom scene are all I needed.
In any event - well done piece. Some of the best acting I've seen in the shorts.
Cheers,
Rob
Evan (Monday, 05 November 2012 02:52)
Thanks guys. My eyes tear up every time the flashback starts even still, and that's been my gauge as to how effectively it works. Chris made some awesome observations as he's done with the other shorts. He knows his stuff.
Chris Jones (Monday, 05 November 2012 09:33)
Thanks Evan, I am just comitted to an amazing movie on Feb 14th
Stephen Cooper (Monday, 05 November 2012 22:22)
Well shot. Great performances. Not my sort of film but I think you've done it very well. Probably still needs to be a bit shorter, but its coming along very nicely.
James N (Tuesday, 06 November 2012 00:23)
Exceptional performance from Kerry Finlayson and that's not taking anything away from Kaden either. It's the best of the LLC entries imo.
Rowena Woolford (Tuesday, 06 November 2012 18:20)
Nice work on your 2nd edit, its definitely shaping up. I think it can be tightened up a little more. There seemed to be a glitch on one of the cutaways (2.08).
I'm not sure the section from 2.56 to 3.35 is necessary, perhaps cut it to one or two of the shots which depict the accident and hospital treatment rather than the life story.
I'd suggest cutting the 'Monty's our dog' comment as it seems to take away from the emotional ending, it is almost comedic. Perhaps this could be replaced with a 'Come on Monty' over the final image to explain where she got the name from although I think it might work best without.
Good work, I look forward to seeing another edit.
A. Writer (Tuesday, 06 November 2012 20:10)
This is by far the strongest film in the competition the home video 8mm section is definitely needed - don't lose it. The transitions between the could be done differently, not feeling the broken glass, doesn't blend well. Don't cut the 'Monty's our dog' line, he's not mocking her (anyone who thinks it's funny is childish) it doesn't take away form the emotion, it highlights the severity of her condition in an honest way.
It's not great, it could be tighter, but like I said it is by far the best in the competition and I'd be shocked if it doesn't make it in the final feature.
Rowena Woolford (Tuesday, 06 November 2012 22:24)
Just to clarify, my comments were not meant as an attack on the script. Some of the comments were taking the view of a wider and more diverse audience than people heavily involved in the film industry and looking at the films that could be surrounding it - if it is put between comedies the audience's inclination could be to laugh. I simply wanted to make you aware of that possibility. Also, I like the 8mm section, but it is too long as it stands.
Evan (Tuesday, 06 November 2012 23:27)
I don't think anyone would consider you attacking the script. I can see your POV but the moment still resonates with me from a dramatic stand point.
My concern with cutting too much out is at some point you don't allow the characters to get under your skin. True it can be edited down so it's more efficient, but often you risk emotional reward when you do this. I believe the current edit manages to walk this line well so for now I'll wait and see how others feel about it.
50kisses (Wednesday, 07 November 2012 00:17)
Evan you are right - Smasharoo is a rare portrait in 50 Kisses - as such we observe humans and empathise, this film is about connection first and pace second. I am sure it could be shorter too, but I too worry about throwing the baby out with the bathwater on this occasion.
50kisses (Wednesday, 07 November 2012 00:22)
And can everyone remember to use their real names when commenting or we may be forced to remove comments - thanks
Mark (Wednesday, 07 November 2012 22:48)
Perfect!
James Howard (Friday, 09 November 2012 23:44)
I think the recut version is very strong, far better than the longer first version. I don't know if I ever said this to Evan, but I love the intimacy of his close-up work, and I think the super-8 flashback footage is great. I'm particularly happy with the flashbacks, because the idea of adding them came out of a collaborative exchange between us. All credit goes to Evan and Kerry for how they did it, but I do feel proud of suggesting the addition of flashbacks, which I think adds so much to the finished film. When I showed the new version to my wife, she cried.
Evan (Saturday, 10 November 2012 19:39)
Aww we're so happy to have touched people with your story. It's a very personal script and we're honored to have been a part.
Staré Yildirim (Sunday, 02 December 2012 22:50)
Very impressive. One of my top 5 in the competition.
Frank May (Sunday, 07 February 2016 13:35)
Well done. An accurate snapshot of many peoples reality after an accidental life threatening injury.