The Last Supper by Richard Green Darft 2
Draft Two Comments... have YOUR say!
The Last Supper by Richard Green Draft 1
Draft One Producers Development Notes for the author
1. We really liked this script and felt it would suit a visual filmmaker. There is about ½ a page spare on this two minute script that some of the other writers would die for!
2. You could use this space to further set up the tender relationship between the two tramps and also spend more time on the dying woman. Show her condition. Show his concern. Show how close they are. Show the world walking by and not caring.
3. Consider how much time you spend on the page with the Kitchen Hand preparing the meal – at the moment it is quite a sizable chunk of scene description, and the Kitchen Hand and his role is almost equal in weight to that of the dying woman on the page. By using the extra space to further establish the relationship between the two tramps, this will put back the balance in favour of the couple.
4. Just a thought on the end. Would he pour two glasses of wine and keep on with the Last Supper he is intent on serving her, or having just lost the love of his life, does the dinner that he cared so much about setting up suddenly become superfluous? It’s the emotional high point. What does dinner matter anymore? His wife is dead, the well made meal could slip off his lap, the wine could spill – again, a visual device could be used to show emotion.
Have your say, what do you think?