That Good Night by Kenneth J Lemm Draft 2

That Good Night 8-16-12.pdf
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Draft Two Comments... have YOUR say!

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Comments: 12
  • #1

    Shaun Bond (Monday, 20 August 2012 16:50)

    One of the best written scripts I've read on here so far. Although I would have the 'Int. Patient Room - Morning' header first so that a filmmaker and reader knows the location, then maybe reveal the nurse when the blinds open.
    Also, the flashbacks are interesting and don't have to be filmed per se... they would work just as well with just audio cues, such as the sound of an argument with his daughter.

  • #2

    Andrew Watkins (Monday, 27 August 2012 18:38)

    The script is really well written, and I have to say very touching that can pull a lot of emotion in a short amount of time.

    I have to agree with Shawn to a certain extent, not having so many series of shots, but incorporating a shot of him in between the "flashbacks." I think that would help a bit more if the audience starts to see him tear up rather than the tear already streaming down his face.

  • #3

    Ken Lemm (Wednesday, 29 August 2012 15:54)

    Thanks, Shaun and Andrew. I appreciate your words and support.

    I've been giving the flashback sequences a lot more thought after all the comments.

    I am also confident that we could reduce the number of flashback images from (5) to (4) or possibly even (3).

    Earlier comments suggested that perhaps the flashbacks should be eliminated completely. Though I am willing to consider all ideas to get this story told, I do feel like the flashbacks are important. Not because I am trying to squeeze more story in, but because I think it is a major part of the story. Frank is seeing his life played out once again in his memories before he makes the ultimate life-death decision. And what he sees is loss and disappointment, making him conclude his decision is the right one.

    His daughter's revelation changes all of that.

  • #4

    Ken Lemm (Wednesday, 29 August 2012 18:10)

    If any directors are interested by shy away from the story due to the flashbacks, please contact me ( as I have some ideas about limiting the number of flashbacks, actors and locations required!

  • #5

    Ken Lemm (Friday, 31 August 2012 18:24)

    Although "That Good Night" is still without a filmmaker for the competition, I did have the distinct pleasure of working through a rewrite with an interested director. Enjoyed the experience of seeing the story through their eyes and adjusting to the script to reflect their vision as well as my own.

    Hope to have a filmmaker on board soon to tell this wonderful, heart-warming story.

  • #6

    Ken Lemm (Wednesday, 05 September 2012 17:24)

    Still without a confirmed filmmaker for this little gem. I have a couple of rewritten versions available for consideration, including one with greatly reduced # of flashbacks, locations, and actors required.

    I urge any director interested in this sweet story to contact me if they'd like to review any of the rewritten versions.

  • #7

    Steve Gerbson (Tuesday, 04 December 2012 20:03)

    "That Good Night" is very well done. My guess is it will be produced shortly.

  • #8

    Ken Hampton (Sunday, 27 October 2013 14:45)

    Ken is a dynamic writer and this project ands to that.
    I have the honor to work with Ken and I hope to be Blessed to work with him again and again. (Let God keep using you Kenneth Lemm!!)

  • #9

    P (Wednesday, 31 December 2014 16:06)

    Kindly remove my quote/recommendation from this page. Thank you

  • #10

    P. Hall (Sunday, 04 January 2015 17:31)

    Requesting again to please have my recommendation for Mr. Lemm removed It is not to be used. Thank you!!

  • #11

    P. Hall (Sunday, 25 January 2015 00:43)

    I have asked three times to have my comments/reference for Mr.Lemm removed. Please do so. Thank you

  • #12

    Mich (Wednesday, 28 January 2015 16:14)

    I would not recommend this work!

That Good Night by Kenneth J Lemm Draft 1

An elderly man, close to death, finds an unexpected reason to live on Valentine’s Day.
That Good Night DRAFT 1.pdf
Adobe Acrobat Document 97.2 KB

Draft One Producers Development Notes for the author

1. We liked this script and felt it denotes a strong emotional scene that many can relate to. However, we feel that you need to set up why the daughter disappeared from this man’s life in the first place. What drove them apart?

2. Structural point - Would the daughter send Valentine’s flowers to a father and turn up later? Were the flowers a way of denoting Valentine’s Day – in which case how can you use that as a way in to set up why this man has no contact with this family. Perhaps seeing others with Valentine’s flowers sets him on a rant as to why his family have forgotten him?     

3. Think about whether you need to have the flashbacks. When a filmmaker reads the script they will start assessing what they need to source to get it made, the flashbacks – although the offer an insight into the man and his life – are almost a film in themselves.

Have your say, what do you think?

Comments: 27 (Discussion closed)
  • #1

    Caitlin (Friday, 03 August 2012 12:36)

    Really enjoyed THAT GOOD NIGHT. This one's a tearjerker!

  • #2

    Kathy Van Hoozen (Friday, 03 August 2012 13:37)

    I want to know what's happens next!!!!!

  • #3

    Chuck Perry (Friday, 03 August 2012 13:38)

    That Good Night is a good read.

  • #4

    Rob Tobin (Friday, 03 August 2012 15:09)

    Nicely done, a life told and a life saved, all in so few words.

  • #5

    Ethel Lemm (Friday, 03 August 2012 16:04)

    Loved it!

  • #6

    Melissa Reed (Friday, 03 August 2012 16:21)

    Loved it! So many enotions in so few words.

  • #7

    Marla Hayes (Friday, 03 August 2012 19:29)

    Congratulations - this will make a memorable short film! Should be a winner on the festival circuit! So much emotion in so few words. :-)

  • #8

    Pamala L. Hall (Friday, 03 August 2012 19:37)

    Ken Lemm is a beautiful writer and deserves accolades!

  • #9

    Susan Baronoff (Friday, 03 August 2012 19:44)

    Just lovely. Simple and sweet. Well done!

  • #10

    Jim Schweitzer (Friday, 03 August 2012 20:53)

    I think we all need the occasional reminder that small acts of kindness can have radiant effects that reach far beyond their immediate impact. And rarely have I seen one so poignant. Well done, Mr. Lemm.

  • #11

    Ann Murgatroyd (Friday, 03 August 2012 22:15)

    A totally beautiful story and magically told. Please use it :-)

  • #12

    Michael Mock (Friday, 03 August 2012 22:59)

    This is really great work! I enjoyed it so much!!!

  • #13

    Eric Canton (Saturday, 04 August 2012 01:21)

    Poignant life-worth-living storytelling.

  • #14

    Mary Krell-Oishi (Saturday, 04 August 2012 02:30)

    Such a solid story told in such a minimal way. This guy's an artist!

  • #15

    Terry Lemm (Saturday, 04 August 2012 02:35)

    Impressive and simple story! Captured me in less than 2 pages! When do we get more!

  • #16

    Colleen (Saturday, 04 August 2012 14:12)

    Great story, Ken!

  • #17

    Alison (Sunday, 05 August 2012 01:01)

    Not just a lovely story but beautifully written. The potential director has it all there on the page to bring to life. Great work.

  • #18

    Roger B Stillz (Sunday, 05 August 2012 02:16)

    I LOVE it

  • #19

    Damian Mallon (Sunday, 05 August 2012 14:03)

    Colour me impressed. What appeared to start as a mundane script blossomed and presented a fantastic resolution. The moment you realise he has been saving his pills is deftly followed by the flashback, the decision and finally his redemption. Moving and powerful.

    I do feel Frank needs the last say; perhaps replace Angela's "You're all she has now" with Frank saying "So do I?"

    This is a great script, congratulations.

  • #20

    Ken (Monday, 06 August 2012 16:44)

    My original logline: An empty man finds the answer to a question he didn't know he needed to ask.

    What do you think?

  • #21

    Andre Lang (Tuesday, 07 August 2012 10:50)

    I'm sorry for my bad English ...

    Very interesting script. Thanks for read.

    But I don't understand: Frank know that his daughter is pregnant, didn't he?

    PS. I think 50 kisses' logline is better: the story can be seen.

  • #22

    Alison (Tuesday, 07 August 2012 11:57)

    Hi Ken
    I like YOUR logline. There's a gentle eloquence to it that matches your story perfectly.

  • #23

    Stacia Blau (Saturday, 11 August 2012 13:53)

    Fascinating! I give it 5 stars!!!

  • #24

    Ken Lemm (Saturday, 11 August 2012 15:51)

    Thanks for all the support! I was asked by a reviewer if I felt that the payoff of including the Mara character was worth the space in a short script! To me, the importance of Mara is undeniable. She is the contrast to Frank's miserable outlook on the cards life has delat him. Despite her past (the scar) she has a sunny outlook, finds wonder in the miracles of the day. Mara also gives Frank the opportunity to show his bitterness when he can't imagine she has something to be happy about. In addition to the practical impact of the nurse in the scene, Mara is instrumental in teaching us about Frank. I hope you all agree.

  • #25

    Richard Green (Tuesday, 14 August 2012 04:34)

    Great - a tear to my eye. Mara sets up Frank for the end beautifully - don't change her out! 2 pages doesn't mean our scripts have to lack layers. This is one that doesn't. We also have to give some credit to the viewer who can, in a short time, use those additional characters / triggers to get more out of the story. Nice work Ken, my fav so far.

    CHeck out mine (The Last Supper) - and give some feedback if you would.

  • #26

    Ken Lemm (Wednesday, 15 August 2012 19:33)

    Thanks for these excellent notes. I am in the process of reviewing the script with these notes in mind now. Initially, I must admit that I agree completely with comment #1 requesting an understanding of why the father and daughter are estranged. I believe that I have an excellent addition to handle this. I think the falshbacks are an important part of this script, and play to how Frank might be replaying the major events in his life over in his mind before making such an important decision. The understanding of the estrangement I have in mind is actually an addition to the decade flashbacks.

  • #27

    Ken Lemm (Saturday, 18 August 2012 15:34)

    I am excited to submit my final draft of "That Good Night" based on the production notes provided. I incorporated both of the first suggestions, but kept the "flashback" scenes. I made this decision based in part, because it seemed the most powerful way to show the character's back story- what leads him to this point, but also because I felt this was a very honest thing that might happen to Frank as he considers the biggest life-changing decision one might ever face. In fact, the solution to describing the history of the father-daughter estrangement was best found in a flashback in the SERIES OF SHOTS. I hope the readers and directors agree.