Last Chance by Nick Grills Draft 2

Last Chance (Second Draft).pdf
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Draft Two Comments... have YOUR say!

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Comments: 4
  • #1

    Shaun Bond (Monday, 20 August 2012 16:57)

    My favourite so far. Clearly written, comic potential and sums up Valentine's perfectly. This is also entirely filmable on zero budget. A front runner for me.

  • #2

    Nick Grills - the writer (Tuesday, 28 August 2012 10:37)

    If any of the filmmakers want to make Last Chance then I'm happy to answer script questions or provide character bios for the actors etc.

    Just leave a comment on here and I'll get back to you.

    Nick Grills

  • #3

    Marian (Wednesday, 19 September 2012 10:36)

    Hi Nick We will make Last Chance on Friday. Do you mind if we call Shelia Sheila? And are you totally attached to the bus at the beginning? We're going to be filming on an iPhone++ and in a very small physical area and tight timeframe because Dan's here (Wellington) from the States with his iPhone gear only briefly. So we want to keep it very simple!

  • #4

    Nick Grills - the writer (Wednesday, 19 September 2012 14:43)

    Hi Marian,

    Please do call her Sheila because that's the correct spelling! Looks like going from first draft to second I lost the spellecheck.

    As a budding writer I'm used to scripts changing a lot due to technical limitations etc. If you can't use a bus then that's fine, just do what you can and concentrate on the performances and getting the tone right.

    Best of luck and write again if you need anything,

Last Chance by Nick Grills Draft 1

Martin overplans when asking his secret crush out - but her answer encourages him to calm down.
Last Chance DRAFT 1.pdf
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Draft One Producers Development Notes for the author

1.The voice over at the beginning is too big and needs both to be cut, and broken up with scene description.Think about how you can use the extra space in the two page script this would give you to perhaps show some scenes from the past  of  him going to ask her out, not being able to. Whatever it is that you come up with you have to show examples of him over thinking it, that is the punchline, setting that up stronger at the beginning will that means the payoff at the end becomes stronger.

2. We felt there was a strange beat at end of the script when she goes inside to get her coat. We’d suggest you rethink this – keep the dialogue, have her pull him inside, or have her go outside with him, whatever you think will work best but the coat beat doesn’t work. Also, perhaps think about where and how you place the kiss - if you have set up that he has tried and failed to ask her out before and that she likes him, would she kiss him to stop him over thinking?

Have your say, what do you think?

Comments: 7 (Discussion closed)
  • #1

    Jon Mills (Friday, 03 August 2012 12:47)

    I enjoyed this - the interior monologue is funny, gave a good sense of character. For me the ending felt a little rushed - she kisses him a little too easily... I'm not sure how this could be fixed as you don't want to kill the pace. I think it's because the writing of his voice is so strong that I kind of wanted more from her, was expecting something spikey, sassy, unexpected... Anyway, I thought this was one of the best.

  • #2

    Colleen (Friday, 03 August 2012 20:00)

    Very sweet. Would it be completely off of me to suggest that all of his lines be V.O. to represent his inner thoughts, rather than him rambling out loud to himself as he walks down the street?

  • #3

    Stephen Cooper (Sunday, 05 August 2012 00:14)

    Thought it was a nice script but would have liked it more if he was talking to himself as he approached her place rather than a Voice over.

  • #4

    Damian Mallon (Sunday, 05 August 2012 02:58)

    Another one that had me smiling from the outset. Very enjoyable.
    The great thing is that the idea works if it is all spoken, all VO or a combination of both.

  • #5

    C Bacon (Sunday, 05 August 2012 12:52)

    Absolutely loved this from start to end - unfortunately I can relate all too well... :-) Congratulations!!!

  • #6

    Craig (Tuesday, 07 August 2012)

    Think about what we will be seeing, trun the sound down.

    A man walking down the road.

    If it's spoken the filmmaker can cut to differant angles as he talks could even go as far as Gollum in The Two Towers.

  • #7

    Christina (Tuesday, 07 August 2012)

    Lovely relatable story. I agree that maybe the inner monologue should be spoken under the character's breath or some other way out loud.