First/Last by Stephen O'Brien Drafts 2 and 3
Draft Two Comments... have YOUR say!
First/Last by Stephen O'Brien Draft 1
Draft One Producers Development Notes for the author
1. We really liked this concept but felt there was an elephant in the room – wouldn’t there be a virus test to show who has/hasn’t got this disease and who carries/who doesn’t? Is there a way you
can answer this without being too dialogue or exposition heavy? Perhaps it is a new disease and these things are not know? Perhaps this is a new relationship full of passion and risk
2. We felt this story needed a strong catalyst - at the moment, after five years they really want a kiss and succumb to temptation. We have a suggestion that would mean going back and rewriting the script from scratch but building on the excellent concept you have. It would answer both the catalyst and the test question. What if those infected by this disease were all kept in a separate camp for their own safety? The disease is still horrendous, but takes more time to develop. What if someone had escaped from the camp and we start the film with the woman having just been attacked and kissed – thus immediately raising the stakes of story? Her boyfriend knows that her being kissed by an infected person will mean she gets taken to the camp too, and he kisses her to make sure they stay together. It’s your decision.
Have your say, what do you think?