Don't by Arron Ferguson Draft 2

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Draft Two Comments... have YOUR say!

Comments: 1
  • #1

    David O'Connor (Wednesday, 05 September 2012 15:05)

    Hi Arron,

    Hope you are well. The script is beautiful, captivating, mysterious... and utterly original. Needless to say, I love it.

    I'd really like to embark on making this vision of yours a reality. Could we discuss this script further (my email is I would be honoured in making your vision come to life and hope that I can do it the justice it deserves.

    I look forward to hearing from you :)

Don't by Arron Ferguson Draft 1

Two people on different ledges are about to commit suicide - can they find love in the most unlikely of places.
Don't DRAFT 1.pdf
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Draft One Producers Development Notes for the author

1. We liked this script, thought it was original but felt the ending didn't quite work as it is currently written. Perhaps either end it on the question – what are they going to do? Are they going to jump? Or reframe it, and have the final scene on the ground with people looking up at something falling down, which turns out to be the tennis ball. That way it keeps the suspense – we don’t see their decision, but we understand it visually. They are not going to jump. It also means the tennis ball becomes a symbol and its inclusion in the end gives another reason as to why it is there is the first place.

Have your say, what do you think?

Comments: 11 (Discussion closed)
  • #1

    Staré (Friday, 03 August 2012 13:46)

    Very sweet, reminded me of this short film called SIGNS. if I'm not wrong.

  • #2

    Ellyn Heeley (Friday, 03 August 2012 19:41)

    I loved this story line, the tennis ball and your interpretation of 'a kiss' was fantastic. Good luck in future with your writing!

  • #3

    Maria Elizabeth (Friday, 03 August 2012 22:08)

    Incredibly touching and has incredible appeal, but it made me wonder what were her reasons to jump?

  • #4

    Sharon French (Friday, 03 August 2012 22:19)

    Felt the idea was ok but so unrealistic, suicide made simple.

  • #5

    Damian Mallon (Saturday, 04 August 2012 13:08)

    I like the idea, but maybe hold off Brenda's discovery of the tennis ball until after she notices Peter; seeing someone in need forces her to find a way to connect.
    Also, suicide being a very private and personal moment, would they really be about to jump off a building on to a street where People are bust;ing?

  • #6

    Andy Robinson (Saturday, 04 August 2012 20:10)

    This is a great story, but the reasons that drive a person to commit suicide are many, and often complicated, and done the wrong way, this would trivialise it. If you can construct the story in a world that is in some way not really ours, then I think you can sidestep some issues, and make their respective withdrawals from the edge feel right.

  • #7

    Phil Charles (Sunday, 05 August 2012 14:50)

    Really enjoyed reading your script. I love this situation. I’m just struggling with the believability of there being a ‘handy’ tennis ball lying around. All a little too convenient for me. I think this could still work without it being a tennis ball. What about a stone or something else more likely to be found on a rooftop. Or maybe something she finds in her handbag. And I certainly wouldn’t have her pocket the ball/object before she sees the bloke – why would she do this? Have her look around for something only when she sees him and needs to communicate. I’d also give her a handbag or a briefcase that she takes the notepad out of. Wasn’t quite sure why she’d be carrying just a notepad and pen. Huge congrats.

  • #8

    Glyn Carter (Tuesday, 07 August 2012 02:05)

    Great set-up, but then very predictable. I can't see Peter saying "I've not been kissed" - that feels all too contrived.

    The final scene is superfluous. But that's a good thing - omitting it would give more space to the rooftop scene.

    Also - if they are near enough to throw a ball, aren't they near enough to shout? It needs to be clearer that the street below is noisy (drills, lorries etc, a plane coming in to Heathrow...)

  • #9

    Laura Koons (Thursday, 09 August 2012 20:57)

    Even though I would have liked it better if it were Brenda that had never been kissed....I enjoyed this story very much.

  • #10

    Ivy (Sunday, 12 August 2012 15:25)

    I was all tense expecting somebody to fall off the edge trying to catch the ball. Great script!

  • #11

    Deanna (Tuesday, 14 August 2012 10:33)

    Don't. Really liked this script although agree the end needs to be changed a little. I liked the idea of a tennis ball on the roof.