A Kiss Goodbye by Tina Lowe Draft 2
Draft Two Comments... have YOUR say!
A Kiss Goodbye by Tina Lowe Draft 1
Draft One Producers Development Notes for the author
1. Consider strengthening the set up. A couple of our reading team thought the woman in the first scene was the wife, and that the crazy girlfriend had sent a text from his phone. However, the woman in the first scene is the girlfriend - give her a name and establish her character.
2. In the same scene, you say she shows no emotion. We should see some kind of reaction as it allows us to understand why she goes on to do what she did. Even if she facially shows no emotion but does something physically that makes us see that she is bothered. Twiddling with hair, over scratching her arm, white knuckles on a tea cup
3. When she meets with her boss, make a stronger reference the fact the “It’s over text” came from him. This again will help address the first point – it could even be as simple as including a picture against the text that comes through to his phone so we know and establish the relationship between these two from the get go.
4. Filmmaker note – We don’t need to see the end happen! Let’s try and get an 18 certificate not banned!
Have your say, what do you think?